Soon very soon, I shall review "The Lucky One"p.s. as a side note, have you ever noticed that all Nicholas Sparks movies have the nearly the exact same poster...and plot
Sunday, April 22, 2012
The Lucky One
Soon very soon, I shall review "The Lucky One"p.s. as a side note, have you ever noticed that all Nicholas Sparks movies have the nearly the exact same poster...and plot
Joe's Review of "John Carter"
John Carter-a review
Starring Taylor Kitsch, Willem Dafoe and Lynn Collins; Director: Andrew Stanton
To start things off, let me just say that this movie was terrible, underrated but still terrible. Just the idea that a former civil war captain being magically transported to some random planet to fight aliens is quite frankly ridiculous. So let's begin with the actual review.
Starring Taylor Kitsch, Willem Dafoe and Lynn Collins; Director: Andrew Stanton
To start things off, let me just say that this movie was terrible, underrated but still terrible. Just the idea that a former civil war captain being magically transported to some random planet to fight aliens is quite frankly ridiculous. So let's begin with the actual review.
1.) Plot: While it had the potential to be good, it was not. It was extremely entertaining, but the fact that a Civil War soldier is abducted by aliens and then becomes the only hope for some oppressed alien civilization is just f****ing ridiculous and I can't abide it. That's about it.
Rank: 18/25
2.) Cinematography: The special effects were badass. That being said however, the actual cinematography was crap. I have heard it said that "John Carter" was a "sleeper" but the simple fact of the matter is that it was so terrible that it made me sleep. In fact, it probably awoke Soviet sleeper agents; hence "sleeper". There were points in the movie that the camera was so far up Taylor Kitsch's ass that I could out of his freaking mouth. Of course I'm just being facetious, but you get the point. There were seriously points in the movie where I thought that the projector was malfunctioning, or somebody was shaking it(nobody was, I know because I complained), that's how bad it was.
Rank: 22/50
3.) Acting: I won't go in depth because frankly I don't care unless it was phenomenal.
Total: 57/100
iMDB: 70/100
Metacritic: 51/100
Rotten Tomatoes 51/100
A Review by Joe.
Rank: 18/25
2.) Cinematography: The special effects were badass. That being said however, the actual cinematography was crap. I have heard it said that "John Carter" was a "sleeper" but the simple fact of the matter is that it was so terrible that it made me sleep. In fact, it probably awoke Soviet sleeper agents; hence "sleeper". There were points in the movie that the camera was so far up Taylor Kitsch's ass that I could out of his freaking mouth. Of course I'm just being facetious, but you get the point. There were seriously points in the movie where I thought that the projector was malfunctioning, or somebody was shaking it(nobody was, I know because I complained), that's how bad it was.
Rank: 22/50
3.) Acting: I won't go in depth because frankly I don't care unless it was phenomenal.
 |
| I was THIS high while filming |
- Willem Dafoe: Great, if you need an explanation, then you're an idiot.
- Taylor Kitsch: Good, although I preferred him in "Friday Night Lights".
- Lynn Collings: Okay: a little over-acted though.
Total: 57/100
iMDB: 70/100
Metacritic: 51/100
Rotten Tomatoes 51/100
A Review by Joe.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
"The Three Stooges"
The Three Stooges; a compact and concise review
("The Three Stooges; starring Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Chris Diamantopoulos, directed by the Farrelly Brothers)
We are reaching a point in our lives when old is new again. If you don't believe me look at a the fashion world right now, models are wearing suspenders and fedoras, and rainbow and neon is being replaced by brown...and more brown. Everything works in a huge cycle and movies are no exception. However there comes a time when something which stopped being relevant decades ago needs to stay irrelevant. This movie was very inspired by the series we all know and love, and yet it failed. The biggest problem with this film was that it tried too hard to be, The Three Stooges, and as a result lost all of the magic that we associate with it. People love The Three Stooges because it reflected a more innocent time and everything was well. The update also updated the time frame into our cold narcissistic dystopia where no one feels safe. But I digress, let us dig a bit deeper into this flick.
Plot: 5/25: It was rough, even for a Three Stooges movie. Everything seemed to just happen, none of the characters improved or changed, and the ending felt unsatisfactory. Very few things here are original, the very plot itself, trying to raise money to save an orphanage, has been done over and over again to much greater effect. Nothing felt new, and the film dragged because of it.
Acting: 25/50: No one is ever going to be nominated for an Oscar here, but it could have been a lot worse. Will Sasso's performance as Curly was nothing short of inspired, he embodied his role and would've made the original Curly proud. The other two Stooges, while giving admirable performances fell short on this count. The ensemble was decent and provided laughs that might have been lost without them, there were, however, a few very wooden performances by Sophia Vegara, Craig Bierko, and the cast of Jersey Shore, who apparently can't even play themselves in a movie.
Directorial Points 15/25: Directed by the Farrelly Brothers, this film was in good hands. The screenplay left much to be desired, but the duo rose to the challenge and presented a decent film. From the guys who brought us "There's Something About Mary" and "Dumb and Dumber" their trademarks were very prevalent throughout this film. Slapstick humor, oafish characters, disabled characters, this film has them and more.
Conclusion: Watch this movie for a few stupid laughs one night, or take your kids to it they'll love it. This is a stupid film, and it's meant to be that way, enjoy it for what it is.
Total: 45/100
iMDB: 43/100
Metacritic: 55/100
Roger Ebert: 2.5 stars
("The Three Stooges; starring Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Chris Diamantopoulos, directed by the Farrelly Brothers)
We are reaching a point in our lives when old is new again. If you don't believe me look at a the fashion world right now, models are wearing suspenders and fedoras, and rainbow and neon is being replaced by brown...and more brown. Everything works in a huge cycle and movies are no exception. However there comes a time when something which stopped being relevant decades ago needs to stay irrelevant. This movie was very inspired by the series we all know and love, and yet it failed. The biggest problem with this film was that it tried too hard to be, The Three Stooges, and as a result lost all of the magic that we associate with it. People love The Three Stooges because it reflected a more innocent time and everything was well. The update also updated the time frame into our cold narcissistic dystopia where no one feels safe. But I digress, let us dig a bit deeper into this flick.Plot: 5/25: It was rough, even for a Three Stooges movie. Everything seemed to just happen, none of the characters improved or changed, and the ending felt unsatisfactory. Very few things here are original, the very plot itself, trying to raise money to save an orphanage, has been done over and over again to much greater effect. Nothing felt new, and the film dragged because of it.
Acting: 25/50: No one is ever going to be nominated for an Oscar here, but it could have been a lot worse. Will Sasso's performance as Curly was nothing short of inspired, he embodied his role and would've made the original Curly proud. The other two Stooges, while giving admirable performances fell short on this count. The ensemble was decent and provided laughs that might have been lost without them, there were, however, a few very wooden performances by Sophia Vegara, Craig Bierko, and the cast of Jersey Shore, who apparently can't even play themselves in a movie.
Directorial Points 15/25: Directed by the Farrelly Brothers, this film was in good hands. The screenplay left much to be desired, but the duo rose to the challenge and presented a decent film. From the guys who brought us "There's Something About Mary" and "Dumb and Dumber" their trademarks were very prevalent throughout this film. Slapstick humor, oafish characters, disabled characters, this film has them and more.
Conclusion: Watch this movie for a few stupid laughs one night, or take your kids to it they'll love it. This is a stupid film, and it's meant to be that way, enjoy it for what it is.
Total: 45/100
iMDB: 43/100
Metacritic: 55/100
Roger Ebert: 2.5 stars
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Lazy=WIN!
Alright, Joe wins, apparently being lazy can be profitable. I'm breaking the silence and I'll have a review of The Three Stooges up by tomorrow.-Evan
Friday, April 6, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
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